What the Fugly? Let's face it...

...this is really fugly crochet.

 

Even if it was freezing cold, I don't think I'd want to wrap myself up in someone's face. That almost sounds like a Monty Python song. But what makes the afghan what-the-fugly-worthy and even more extra special is the staging of the photo. I love the all crap on the floor and the bare pink mattress. Sometimes the best stuff in a photo is the junk around the edges. Never be afraid to use the crop tool.

Just what is that beside the bed? Ick.

Danny Zuko (Grease) and Cornelius (Planet of the Apes)....separated at birth.

Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

 

And how 'bout that pun? 

What the Fugly? "The First" or the debut of a new twitter trend

Some might call this "Fugly Friday". I call it "What the Fugly?"

Do your children sleep through the night?
Do they jump into bed without a thought of monsters lurking underneath?

Do they dream of fairies and sugar plums?
 

PUT A STOP TO IT NOW!

 

Yes, Mom and Dad, you can end your child’s nighttime security with a simple crocheted

MINI AUTOMIC FURBALL LOVEY

The pattern for this insomnia-creating wonder can be yours for an amazing $3.50

Buy it now!

Don’t let your children have another sweet dream!

 

Fine print:

Offer good only in the U.S.A. Lion Brand recommended but greater results and added skin irritation, complete with bed wetting, achieved with Red Heart.

About spider webs

Several weeks ago (or maybe it was months, I seem to be losing track these days) I saw a photo of a huge crocheted spider web hanging from corner to corner across a front porch. It was cool! Cool enough to make me want to figure out a crochet pattern. I kind of understand the basic crochet stitches, but I don't really "get" how they all go together to make stuff. No matter what I start out attempting to crochet, I end up with a stiff, thick trapezoidal coaster. 

I don't think a huge trapezoid hanging from my front porch would give quite the same effect as a giant spider web. I set out to look for the pattern and came across this beauty. Hrmmmm....
 

So this is all fine and well (more or less) on a pair of rigid plastic boobs, but what happens when you add real life, gravity...and fat? It was pointed out to me at my last mammogram slammogram (by a "perky" 30-something tech whose breasts have probably never been flattened to 1/2" between two plastic paddles) that my breast tissue is starting to turn to fat...it happens. Great. I told her to have a kid, breast feed, turn 49 and give me a call.
 
Still no luck locating the giant spider web pattern for my front porch, but maybe if I make this brassiere a tad bigger, but that's assuming I don't end up with a couple trapezoids...