Failure is a scary thing, and I'm struggling with it.
Failure is bad, right? It should be avoided, right?
Oh boy...here we go...this probably isn't going to be the outrageously clever and humorous post that you were expecting when you clicked on this page. No haiku, no mules, no April Fools jokes today. Nope. Today I'm going to kick my butt a little bit.
What I've got to get through my thick skull is that failure isn't the act of falling off a bike and skinning your knee. Failure is never getting on the bike in the first place. It seems that I get in this "mood" when I'm between projects or about to finish a major project. How weird does this sound, but I'm almost afraid to finish a project because I don't know what I'm going to do next. Does that make any sense at all? And I don't know what I'm going to do next because I'm afraid that what I do start won't turn out the way I think it should...in other words, a failure.
I'm nearly finished with reworking a commercially knit pullover and turning it into a cardigan for my mom. It is turning out really well. Much better than I thought, actually. So why am I sad about finishing it? Why am I dragging my feet (other than the fact that I HATE to sew on buttons)? It's because I'll be done with it and then I'll have to start something new, and I don't know what to start, and I don't know if I should spin, knit or weave, and I don't know what yarn to use. Will it be the right project? Will it be the right yarn? Will I love it? Will I hate it? Will it suck? Will it be the most wonderous thing I've ever created?
For the love of God, Chris, just get on the damn bike! (and take a pill while you're at it)
Thanks for listening/reading, and I'll post photos of the almost finished pullover turned cardigan soon!
You are not a failure! You are not a failure! You are a woman with many beautiful talents. No matter what you decide to start next, it will be a process that you enjoy. You love to knit, you love to spin and you love to weave, so again, no matter what you start, it will be fun! Be joyful that you are able to start something new, as that probably means that you have finished something.
ReplyDeleteSo get back on that bike and ride like the wind!
Fear of failure holds me back from many things as well. What if I mess it up? What if I embarrass myself? What if it turns out to have been a waste of time, a waste of money? When I answer the "what ifs", I find that those answers aren't as scary as I thought they'd be.
ReplyDeleteYou are hardly a failure. In fact, you are someone I look up to. I love your wit (snarky as it may be) and your talent.
So, ride on, sister. Ride on.